I am participating in another Deepak and Oprah Meditation Experience. This meditation experience is about finding deeper connections and understanding with people and oneself. Please follow along on my journey to healthier and happier life.
The Mirror of Relationship Tells the Truth
Reflect on a relationship in which the other person has a quality or qualities you truly dislike or disapprove of. Use one-word adjectives to describe this, such as haughty, stubborn, arrogant, insincere, dishonest, controlling, victimized, domineering. Now, without judgment or blame, look within and journal about the possibility that you are talking about something in yourself that is very hard to admit to. How those qualities manifest may be different in each of you, so use your true self to evaluate how these traits show up within yourself.
Insecure, insincere, dishonest, victimized, jealous, disingenuous.
When I look at the words I choose to describe the person I’m thinking of I can see myself in each words. There have been plenty of times in my life where I was all those things and I always hated it. I often gave other people the blame for causing these feelings in me, ‘If so and so hadn’t of done this I would have never of felt that’ but in truth I’m in control of my feelings and behaviors. No one can make me feel insecure or be insincere or dishonest. It’s only now in my late 20’s that I’m realizing that I’m giving other people too much power of me and I need to be responsible for what I think and feel.
Without blaming yourself, list ways you can be more aware in recognizing your blind spots. Next to each negative adjective write “forgiveness,” and sitting with your eyes closed, forgive the other person and yourself at the same time. How did it feel when you did this? If you aren’t sure, practice this a few times and tune in to any changes you experience. If your feelings are deeply negative, don’t reach for false forgiveness. Just say, “From now on, I will be aware of this without judgment.” This is an exercise you can do any time your buttons are pushed.
I don’t feel any difference right now. I don’t think the person I’m describing is doing this out of malice or ill intent. I don’t think they are a bad person. I feel like everyone has their own issues to deal with. Maybe I’m just too honest with myself but when I feel any of the words I described I know that I’m not being my true self. I’m sure I have blind spots but I think the people around me are overly honest with me about everything so I don’t feel like I have many. I’ve forgiven this person for years and am still in contact with them but I’m also not stupid and don’t put a lot of faith in them changing.
Write down situations that repeatedly turn out badly or leave you frustrated in a relationship. For example, fighting over money, feeling stressed or pushed around, feeling unappreciated, not being shown respect, etc. Now reflect on how to turn this into a win-win situation for yourself. This means that you adopt the viewpoint that you are being given the perfect opportunity to heal something in yourself; therefore, you are grateful for this opportunity rather than resentful and filled with blame. Make self-healing your priority. Journal about some steps you can take to toward healing each of these issues, such as finding your own peace, learning how to be centered, walking away from negative encounters, stop trying to change the other person, or seeking professional advice or therapy.
There is a person in my life who I feel like is always using me. They reach out to me but only to talk about themselves or to ask for my help. They don’t really know what is going on in my life and they don’t care to ask. There isn’t really any fighting but I certainly don’t feel that the relationship is balanced and I don’t really feel appreciated. I don’t know how to turn this relationship into a win-win situation. At this point the only way I see myself healing is to distance myself from them. I know my first action should be to talk to them to see if the relationship can be mended but I don’t know if that is something I want to do right now.