Yes, I know it isn’t even Halloween yet so why am I posting about Christmas already? I’m talking about it because when you invite an extra 7 people over for Christmas you have to start planning early. Yes, I invited over my parents, my in-laws, one of my sister, my brother in-law and his roommate who can’t afford to go home for Christmas. It’s a stressful thing but at the same time I’m really excited.
I haven’t spent Christmas with my parents since 2007 and having a house full of family seems oddly comforting. The idea of cooking a big meal and having tons of gifts under the tree for more than just my kids feels nice. At the same time I understand very clearly that the idea of having a big family Christmas is probably not going to be the reality of it.
For starters, I’m not close to my in-law’s. Things have happened in the past where I feel like they really crossed some boundaries and acted extremely inappropriate and my mother in-law has stated that she feels like I’m trying to “push her out.” So you can clearly see that having them around for an extended amount of time can make for a tense time. I would like to talk about it and sometimes I feel like my mother in-law would like to talk about it but avoidance is the easiest thing so that is what we do.
Then there is my parents. I haven’t been shy on this blog when it has come to talking about my parents and my thoughts on them. With that being said I do love my parents and would love it if they came but I’m not so sure they will. When I invited them out my mom didn’t say much about it and I kind of got the feeling that she wasn’t very interested. I don’t know if my feelings are right but I’d put money on it that they find an excuse to not come.
I can’t say that I totally blame my parents. I stopped calling home regularly years ago and I probably call my parents once every 6 months now. I feel like this has caused a riff between us. I understand that my parents want me to call them more and that they want to be more involved in my life and rightfully so but that’s hard for me for several reason that would take up and entire blog post unto itself.
So with me on the outs with both my parents and my in-laws the Christmas I’m imagining will not be the reality. I don’t really care though. It’s Christmas and I still want to spend it with my dysfunctional, weird family. It’s the holiday and everybody is miserable and I just want to be miserable with some family around damn it!