I’m not going to lie, I was afraid to go back to school. One might think that I was afraid because juggling 3 kids, a house and life doesn’t leave much room for anything else. That was part of the reason but if I’m being honest it was more because I’m afraid of failing. I seem to recall when growing up that when I failed at something there wasn’t a mentality to try again or to try something else but more of when you fail you are a failure. With that kind of thinking I often wouldn’t try new things or if things got hard I’d quit before I could fail.
Because of that thinking I have quit school more time than I can remember. I could place the blame in a lot of different places on why I quit but it really comes down to not wanting to be a failure. I came to this realization the last time I dropped out of school back in 2014. I knew if I was to ever go back to school that my biggest challenge would be changing my way of thinking. It wouldn’t be time, money or energy.
I am now finishing my second week in college and already during those first 2 weeks I’ve hit some roadblocks. I have managed to push past them this time around. My biggest hurdle has been my English class. I was surprised by this since I had always excelled in English in the past. I guess I’m not used to someone telling me what to write about and how to write it and when I have to be done with it. I obviously love to write, hence this blog, but I’m pretty sure my English class is trying to kill me. At least I thought it was.
You see, my biggest issue with English has been that we have to do peer reviews and I’m just a little to introverted to really enjoy that. I don’t want my English teacher reading my inner thoughts, no matter how mundane or impersonal they are, let alone an entire classroom of my peers. However, I did have my first peer review on Tuesday and I was relieved that all three of the peers who read my essay really liked it. When the first person was finished she told me how much she liked it and thought it was really funny and by the time the last person had read it I felt more confident about my writing. I thought to myself, Hey I can do this.
I still dread English but not nearly at the same magnitude I did a week ago. Now, I’m feeling pretty positive about school and this semester. I know I’m not going to like writing a bunch of paper or reading a ton of essays but I know now that I can do it and if I fail I just go back at it next semester. Not that I think I’m going to fail.