How do you let go of the pain someone has caused you when you’ve never even met the person, never spoken to them? How do you let it go that they are intentionally continuing to hurt you when they don’t even know you? This is something that I am very much struggling with right now. There is a person who knows of me but has never met me who wants so badly to be me. I don’t fully understand why this person is doing what they are doing but it is happening. My best guess is that it is because she was involved with my husband both before Nick and I met and while Nick and I were together.
I don’t fully understand why this girl would want my husband though. They had a “relationship” when they were younger where she cheated on my husband repeatedly and strung him along for a long time. When I first started dating Nick she was quite upset by it even though she had a boyfriend of her own. Once again, I have to speculate on why she was upset but my guess is that she felt some sort of rejection. When I became pregnant and Nick and I became public with it she was livid. She hadn’t spoken to my husband in over a year but somehow decided it was her place to write a rant about how he was stupid and I had just gotten myself “knocked up.” I’ll give her that Nick can be quite stupid at times but I didn’t get “knock up”, I started a family. I believe she was so upset because of the fact that Nick and I were staying together and starting a family. You see, when she was 17 she had a child, she made the choice to give that child up for adoption. I feel a lot of empathy for her in that area. It had to be hard for her to make that decision, follow through and to live with it. I couldn’t imagine having to do that. I believe seeing her ex supporting his pregnant girlfriend and sticking by my side irritated her because she didn’t have that when she was pregnant.
Then when she somehow managed to get a job in my husbands building 5 years later, she made it her mission to be with my husband. Nick, being quite stupid at the time, met with her a few times. She pushed him to be more involved with her, she wrote about dating him again and starting a family. From what I know he rejected her pretty harshly. From what he said she wanted him to spend more time with her and that is not what he wanted so he said “I know what I want and it’s not you.” She, I guess, asked if he wanted to be friends with her and he said no. After that all was silent on that front.
Then, starting at the beginning of this year I started to notice some weird things going on. She stayed at the same B&B that Nick took me to on our babymoon. She started frequenting stores and restaurants in the neighborhood we used to live in. Other things have come up and it just makes me feel very uncomfortable and hurt. I don’t understand why this person wants my life. I don’t understand why she puts up this front that she is so happy with her current boyfriend when she is clearly still stalking my husband. I don’t understand why she talks about having kids then alludes to raising/wanting mine. I don’t understand why she would want a relationship with a man who so clearly doesn’t like her much less want her. I just don’t get why she isn’t moving on.
My bigger question though, why am I not moving on? Obviously I know what she is doing because I check up on her. She is only hurting me because I’m allowing it. I’m allowing this irrelevant, insecure brat to affect me and my family. I need to let go of it. Yes, my husband lied to me about her. Yes, she made the decision to think only of herself when she pushed her way into my life. Yes, Nick allowed her to do so. Yes, all these things happened to me but at this point in time I’m hurting myself. It’s on me now.
I’m trying to make a concerted effort to not check up on her. To not let my own insecurities affect how I live my life. She is going to do what she wants but I don’t need to let it run my life. She isn’t hurting me physically, she isn’t crossing any illegal boundaries and she herself isn’t affecting my life by doing what she is doing. So, she can keep checking up on me and she can keep wishing my family was hers but I’m just going to live my life like she wasn’t a part of it and let it go. She is of no importance to me anymore.